Give Her What She Really Wants


When was the last time you gave your girlfriend or wife what she wanted? As men, when we think of a gift to give our wives or girlfriends, we usually think of something shinny and very expensive as a way to her heart. We think that if we come in the house with a tennis bracelet or a necklace shining bright like a diamond, it’s all good. If you are like me, you probably have your chest puffed out and feel like you are the man. Did you ever consider giving her what she REALLY wants?

Granted, I know women love diamonds and all those material things, but did you ever consider she wants something that is worth more than diamonds and pearls, or even a day at the spa? Imagine that there is something more precious than material things.

Wait for it………….

That thing that she would forgo all of that for is your time and attention. I know what you are thinking brother. I have been there. You’re saying to yourself, “I do give her my time”. If that is the case, let’s take a quick test.

You are in your man cave and your favorite team is on tv playing. There are three minutes left in the game. Your team has the ball at the 1st and 10, on the 50-yard line. They are down by 4. All of a sudden, your wife comes to you and says she needs to talk about something very important.

Do you tell her to wait until the game is over? Do you turn off the game to give her your undivided attention? You already know what my response has been in the past. I will admit that I failed that test miserably, time and again. I would ask my wife to wait which hurt her feelings. I didn’t see what the big deal was.

I finally learned in my 17 years of marriage that women are wired differently. They need non-material things, such as our time and attention. We men need to throw in a lot of communication just to round it out. Most women need these things for a sense of validation. Women need to feel valued by the men in their lives. When women don’t get this at home from us, it creates the potential to opening the door to emotional affairs.


Please do not be naïve about this…. I was clueless about this need. There may be times when your wife or girlfriend is at work, out with her girlfriends, at the gym or running into the grocery shopping for a quick second, where there is some brother complimenting her on how she looks or dresses etc. She may brush it off initially. However, the problem evolves when she realizes she is not getting this attention from you. Instead of saying something clever like ‘my man thinks so too’ or ‘thank you’ and then going about her day, she may begin to entertain those words. Once that happens, oftentimes, she will unknowingly return to the source of her emotional “high” – the other man. This could potentially lead to a short or long emotional affair or even possibly, one of those “it just happened” kind of events.

I have first-hand experience with this, so I’ve been there, done that. My wife and I lived through this very thing and I am thankful we came out on top. My wife wrote a chapter in a book about this, where she chronicles her very own emotional affair in her debut book, Being a Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew, Before I said, “I Do”.

So, I challenge you today, good brother, to get out of you comfort zone.  Turn the game off and listen to her. Trust me she will love you for giving her what she really wants.


Being a Wife Just Got Real, Author – Tanya Barnett




26 thoughts on “Give Her What She Really Wants

  1. Najeeb salahuddin

    Men are usually focused on the big picture and tackling big goals and that’s how we show or think that our significant other should measure our appreciation for them and the relationship. We lose focus on all the small things as you pointed out and brush them off as inconsequential because these are minor things from our point of view. I agree that we should take more time to focus on the things that we consider small that pleases your women and in turn they should be willing to do the same for us. Everybody wants to be loved different and it takes time to figure out how your mate needs to be loved for the relationship to be successful.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. B. Lawson

    I agree that women are wiring different and as men we need to pay more attention to our significant others needs. I also believe that is a two way street and consistent communication is the key for both parties to be happy. Each party must listen and focus on how to ensure their partner is taken care of.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re spot on about the non material things. For me, it has always been silence. I used to work in the pharmacy and was bombarded by noise and phones etc. I love nothing but silence. Sitting side by side and watching TV or whatever is my favourite. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

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